The Hamster Wheel

Recently I was reading an article about nursing in the coming decade, the extreme shortage of qualified nurses, and the work load we deal with on a daily basis. I was taken aback by the statistics, as well as my own realization that I too have fallen through the camouflaged trap door of overworking myself.

When I stopped long enough to think about the stress and expectations that my job, my responsibilities outside of work, and my lifestyle require, I realized none too soon- or perhaps just little too late, that I am gambling on a slanted table. Things do eventually roll downhill.

Just looking at my job alone, I can now see how much of a drudge to the system I have become.

I used to have romantic notions about my job. I would like to think that they still, in some muted subconscience capacity, drive me to come in every single shift and fight for what matters. I know in my heart of hearts why I do what I do. I know what really matters to me. I know I am a good nurse, well educated and willing to fight for my patients no matter what. However, after much reflection, I have come to one simple discernment. We; be it nurses, business folk, laborers, blue collar, white collar, black collar, whomever works hard for a living; are like hamsters on a wheel. We go forward each day, each night, each shift. We drive ourselves on for the remote or even unobtainable goal of "the end". We know that if we work hard enough, the reward of a good day will greet us happily, like a lap dog who waits for his biscuit. Our "end", however it may be, is our treat. But what I have come to understand is that there really is no end. One may live. One may die. One may never be functional again. One may recover fully and completely. However the chips may fall, however hard I work, I do not embody the capability of change the outcome of fate. Ergo, I can not change the fact that there will always be more to come. My job doesnt end when my patient dies, or when he goes to another unit. My job doesnt end when I drive home, no matter how blurry eyed and exhausted I might be. I am always a nurse. 24/7. 365 days a year.

Within this realization, I find my inner monolog singing through. I say it to myself mostly, but also without any reservation to anyone willing to listen, "I, or we rather, have to find a way to step off the hamster wheel from time to time." I have to find a way to take a step back and focus on the one part, the one person, in my life that I so often readily ignore--me. So, I have started a list of things that make me "jump out of the hamster wheel" and focus on just what I need. For instance: I can spend that spare 10 bucks I have on some fresh flowers, instead of a coffee and bagel on my way to work. I can turn off my phone for three hours and take my dogs for a hike rather than sitting and waiting for "that" call. I can enjoy a glass of wine and be okay with the fact that tonight is my night off.

I think its very important, for myself, all nurses, all people stuck on the hamster wheel of life; to take a step back, jump off and even turn away from the perpetual chase and focus on what really matters. If even for a few moments, its neccessary to find a balance and release yourself from the eternal race to "the end".